We still have over a month left of school, but I'm already thinking about the summer.
I would like to say that the finer parts of summer have been weighing on my mind - wonderful things like no alarm clocks and afternoons at the splash-pad - but I'm sorry to say, that's not the case. I've been thinking a lot about how I'm going to keep my kids' brains working when there's no work to be done. Math, science, reading...it all gets a little fuzzing during the 8 weeks of no school, if we don't practice but this year I'm most concerned about writing.
Cole hates writing. He loathes it. We worked on two short answer practice test questions the other day for over an hour...on Mother's Day! It's painful for him and me because he completely shuts down whenever he has to do it. His attitude goes sour, his posture gets schlumpy, and he'll latch on to anything to distract himself. It's certainly not for lack of imagination. That boy dreams up some of the craziest things. I have been privy to hundreds of endless conversations about ideas he has come up with...he's just unwilling to write it down.
In light of his problem, and as a way to encourage him, I'm considering having the kids keep journals this summer. But the questions is how do I keep it light and fun while still having them do it every day?
For Cole, I'm thinking about creating a custom journal that has some blank pages in it as well as some guided writing pages. The guided pages would be something like look at the picture and create a story to go with it or create an idea for a new video game and write down the details.
For Isabel, the journal would be simpler. I was thinking of having her do things like write down words and draw pictures. I'm still looking for good ideas for her journal.
My hope is that journaling will give both kids an opportunity to be creative and express themselves while still practicing a really important skill that's easy to ignore when schools not in session.
I'd love to hear some of your ideas if you have any.
So yesterday I took Cole to help out with a research project in the psychology department. *For any concerned individuals- he volunteered. I didn't force him into it.
They put this crazy cap on him so they could measure his brain activity while he was watching something on a computer.
Is that hat awesome or what? It looks like he has a giant electronic squid sitting on top of his head. It even left little red dots on his skin when they took it off like he had suckers stuck to him.
It was lots of fun for me to watch and Cole did a great job. It's always hard to know how well kids will tolerate research experiments, so I was really impressed with how patient he was with the whole process. It took a while to get the cap on just right.
You may be wondering why I let my kids volunteer for research. The answer is simply this....I understand the hard work that goes into the whole academic process. Clay never did any type of experiments that utilized human subjects, but I kind of feel like we're paying back all of the help he got during his PhD program. Besides, it makes the kids feel like they're a part of something special and that alone makes it worthwhile.
Why is it that you have to go to school for 4+ years to get a PhD, but there's is absolutely no formal education to go through before you become a parent?
I've asked myself this question countless times since becoming a parent, usually when I'm at the end of my patience, when I can't make heads-or-tails of some situation, when my kids do something that stuns me into silence and I have absolutely no control over any of it. Needless to say, that question comes up often, floating to the front of my mind when I'm feeling my most inept.
Then, just as quickly, the answer presents itself - in the form of my children. You don't have to be a genius to realize that they are completely different people...despite having the same genes encoded in their bodies, despite being raised in the same environment by the same people...they are so dissimilar it's almost mind-boggling. And thinking about that helps me to remember that for every parent out there, no matter how many kids you have, each time is like the first time. Sure, the second child is easier because you know what to expect. The first child clued you into the fact there's a rhyme and reason to this parenting thing, but the rhyme is always different, the reason always changing.
The truth is that parenting is only something you can learn to do by doing it.
It can be messy and unpleasant. It can be downright painful. And there are (many) moments when you won't get it right. But, I think, being honest with yourself - and your kids for that matter - about how difficult it is and how unprepared you are sometimes is the most important part. It allows you to move forward, unafraid, because you realize that there are no right or wrong answers. It allows you to be more open to experiencing life and all the good and bad that comes with it.
So, for all you parents out there that find yourselves wondering when the next class on parenting is, don't worry. You've earned your degree several times over by now. Just slap a couple periods in between those letters that spell out M.O.M. or D.A.D. and call it good.
For the past couple of weeks I have been helping our Parent Advisory Council solicit donations from local businesses to support our annual silent auction. And what I have seen has been both uplifting and disheartening. Even in these tougher economic times it has been wonderful to see businesses donate to a local school. It shows just how invested they are in their community and I really appreciate that. And to show my appreciation, I will certainly be frequently those businesses who have given to us.
On the other hand, it's disheartening to be given the run-around by...adults...people who should know how to engage another human-being. In my opinion, a polite no is soooooo much better than being brushed off. Honestly, "the brush off" leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth for the people who are working and businesses they represent.
To be fair, let me say that I understand that businesses get hit up for donations all the time by everyone and I realize that it is truly impossible to give to everyone who asks for help. However, in this day and age of texting and non-face-to-face contact I have to stress that when you're actually talking to someone, manners and politeness still rein supreme for me. I'm fine with "no". It's rudeness that I can't take.
So what's the point of this little rant?
It's simply to remind people that we are all connected, whether you realize it or not. Now, I'm not trying to shake my finger at anyone, but I hope that after reading this it will stay tucked in the back of your mind that we keep each other afloat. By investing our time and energy and goods into each other we inspire other people to do the same. And in these times when a dollar doesn't buy you anywhere near what it used to, I want to remember to take my dollars to the people that give back to their community because I want them to stay afloat.
With the start of 2012, I've been thinking a lot about the fact that my sweet girl will be going to school full time in the fall. She'll be in first grade. I'll have to pack her a lunch. And I'll no longer need to pick her up in the middle of the day and bring her home to spend the afternoon with me. It's still a long way off. But, in all honesty, I'm sentimental about these sort of things and the thought of afternoons alone has my stomach feeling a bit wonky. It will be the first time in nine and a half years that I'll been without a child at my side for a majority of the day. The prospect is all at once magical, surreal, and daunting. I mean, what am I suppose to do with myself? Sure, there will still be laundry and groceries. There will still be packing lunches and cooking dinner. But, what about the moments when those chores are done? Logically, I could look for a part-time job. But, what job will accommodate a 9:30 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. schedule? What job would understand that I couldn't come into work if one of my kids is sick? What part-time job would allow me to not work on weekends? What job would allow for me to still be a full-time mom when I'm needed? Does this magical job exist? I haven't found it yet. My solution? Volunteering. It's a great way to use my spare time in meaningful ways and I'll get to choose what times work best for me.
I've decided to start in Clay's lab. Yep, you heard me right. I'm going to start spending a couple hours a week helping out in the lab. It's a great place to start because I know the people and they understand my situation (so it will be no surprise if I can't come in one day because of sick children). I'll learn some good skills to add to my bag of tricks (like transferring Daphnia!) and, in the end, I'll have people to stand as a recommendation for me if I ever do find that magical job.
What do you think? Can you picture me in a lab coat?
What about the rest of you? Many of you academic spouses will eventually move into a time where the kids are gone to school full-time, if you're not there already. What will you do with your time then? Enjoy the peace? Get a job? Sleep more?
So I brought up the topic of literary role models the other day with a friend of mine. She works in the t.v. and film industry and is always asking me what book I'm currently reading, so I thought it would be interesting to get her opinion on the topic.
I began with a tiny tirade about the Diary of a Wimpy Kids books and then went into asking whether or not we hold different expectations for our daughters then we do our sons. And I found myself in the course of the conversation wondering if I should really allow my son to read books that I dislike so much. I mean, is the fact that he's reading enough to out-weigh my clear dislike of the message these books? Isn't that the problem we face as parents? We want our children to read, so we tell ourselves, "Well, he's reading and that's the important thing."
Anyway, as I was churning these thoughts over in my brain, my friend threw out a word that I hadn't even considered while thinking about all of this. Censorship. She mentioned it on a sort of bigger world scale (libraries and book stores) but it struck me that censorship exists on a parental level too. After all we as parents choose the rate at which we expose our kids to lots of things (e.g. youtube videos or rated-R movies).
So, how do we deal with that?
I want my kids to feel like the world is open to them. I want them to understand that seeking information is good. I want them to be worldly....and well read. So how do we deal with bad role models vs. censorship? It seems to me there is a fine line to walk in there and discussions to be had.
I'll have to think on it some more.
What do you think?
I've been thinking some more about the literary role models out there for both boys and girls. And while I haven't come to any great list of awesome female role models, I have thought of one male role model that I don't love.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
Speaking as a woman with a nine year old boy, these books are the bane of my existence. The main character is lazy and rude and overall pretty worthless - as is all the other characters of these books - and not someone I want my son emulating.
My main criticism is that the humor is not age appropriate for the kids that read them. Much of the humor is lost on my nine year old and the jokes he does get are not ones that I'm excited about him understanding. And while I'm all for authors taking a satirical view of childhood, I think this book would have worked better in the Sunday morning funnies.
Do you think a book like this can exist because we have different expectations for our boys? Does the age old saying, "Boys will be boys" trickle down into what we expect from male role models of the books they read? Are we more tolerant of bad male role models because we think our sons are smart enough not to look up to bad characters?
Are we being fair to our daughters?
In the interest of furthering the discussion of female role models please read the following for your consideration:
I for one want to know, what qualities are important in making up a role model for girls? Must a person/character be strong, intelligent, practical, virtuous, and true of heart? Could girls even connect with someone so wholly perfect? Or can we willingly accept that no one leads such a perfect life in fiction or reality? And if we do accept that, then what character flaws are we willing to accept within a person/character and still deem them a good role model?
It can certainly be noted that culture pushes back on the "damsel in distress" imagery. But, it always seems to be with a female character who takes on male characteristics - think of Katniss in The Hunger Games who they have to "make pretty" in order for people to like her or Mulan who has to disguise herself as a man (would any man actually believe that?). The list could go on, but I hardly think it needs to. A lot of today's female characters who aren't "damsels in distress" aren't noted for their femininity either.
Without giving it tons of thought, I can come up with one female character off the top of my head that I would consider a "good" role model. She is the heroine, Phedre, from the Kushiel's Dart series by Jacqueline Carey. She's intelligent, cunning, clever and quick while still being beautiful and desirable. She is impressively written and one of the best female characters I've read in a long time. However, she does have flaws that some may use to argue against her being a good role model. I won't go into it further in case you decide to check out the books. *I recognize that this book (Kushiel's Dart) is more of an adult fiction, but that brings to light another difficult aspect of seeking good role models in literature - intended audience. If a character is to connect with the intended audience, shouldn't they be written to appeal to them?
Overall, I think it's pretty difficult to come up with a definitive list of traits for a good role model. So much of a character is based on personal perception. After all, I don't find Bella's to be terrible role model, but I know plenty of people out there that disagree with me.
So, what about you? Can you think of any female characters that you would deem a good role model for girls? Perhaps I'm just not well read. Please point me in a direction if you have suggestions and tell me what you think defines a good role model.
*Usually this page is reserved for topics on Academics, but I'm branching out and adding the topic of parenting into my Survival 101...because let's face it, parenting is often about survival. I have a confession.
I'm a Twilight Fan.
Now, before you click back over to Facebook to delete me from your friends list, do me a favor and read on before you pass judgement.
When I first read the Twilight series, my loving and faithful husband tried to get through the first book. Tried and failed within a chapter or two. I certainly wasn't surprised. The series was not written with male readers in mind (in the same way that Playboy isn't shot with women in mind). But it seems that Bella Swan was so painful for him to read that he couldn't wrap his head around why I would like the books. Much debating ensued.
Well, I went to see Breaking Dawn a few weeks ago and so the Bella bashing has begun again and I just can't take it anymore. So, here are my reasons for not being a Bella basher.
Bella bashers (like my husband) say - She's a terrible role model for girls!
I say -
1. I agree...but who cares? The last time I checked, Bella Swan was a fictional character. Sure, her story takes place in the "real" world, but she's surrounded by mythological creatures that don't actually exist. I have never met, spoken to, or dated a vampire and therefor Bella's "actions" have no precedent in real life. Furthermore, if my daughter reads the Twilight series when she becomes a teenager and thinks that Bella Swan is who she wants to be, then I have failed as a parent and I should be punished for not teaching my child how to properly cope with being a teenager and all the angst that comes with it.
2. Why does no one freak out about fictional role models for boys? Are there books out there I should be concerned about my son reading? It seems to me that no one worries about the characters that boys are looking up to because they assume boys look up to real men - living real lives, doing real things. Please, oh, please tell me who are girls supposed to look up to? Because it seems that girls just can't win whether they are real or fictitious. Bella Swan is too whiny; Megan Fox is too Sexy; Hillary Clinton isn't sexy enough! If you're a working mom, then you don't care enough about your kids to stay home with them. But if you choose to be a stay-at-home mom, you're not a feminist. You're a bad example because you're playing the submissive role of caregiver. Is there a good female role model out there?
3. Would the books have been as popular if Bella was written better? Honestly, I'm not so sure and lately I've been wondering if the Twilight phenomenon resonates on some biological level. Women have been "damsels in distress" since the dawn of time, back when women needed men to fight off large predators who would otherwise eat them. It's still that way in the animal kingdom.
These days, most women don't have to worry about being eaten by a large animal and therefor have no need of a man with a large club to protect them. Women have won the right to vote; they have left the home and moved into the work place; they've taken political office and are changing the very fabric of the world we live in. But, despite all that, the "damsel in distress" character is still being written in stories, shown in movies, and acted out on stage. We are still having issues defining a woman's role as equal to a man's. Is it engrained in our very nature as humans to subconsciously recognize men as "stronger" creatures? Has culture not yet subdued biology?
Personally, I believe that the underlying theme of the Twilight books is love conquers all and that appeals to me. I love to see love win, whether it's the love between Bella Swan and Edward Cullen or Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet or Ron Weasly and Hermione Granger. I want love to win and I don't mind if my daughter grows up hoping for that as well. That's why I'll never be a Bella basher and I'll always be a Twilight fan.
Feel free to pass judgement.
|
RSS Feed